So let me get this right...

Palin acceptance speech, graf by graf...

- John McCain was a POW!
- John McCain loved the war all along!
- The media underestimated John McCain!
- Country first!
- John McCain was a soldier who still loves the war!
- My boy's a soldier. (USA! USA! USA!)
- I also have extended family in Iraq. (USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!)
- I also have lots of kids. (Somewhere children are starving! Who cares! Ownership society!)
- In April, I had a fifth kid. Because when you're governor, you don't need to worry about paying $4 a gas to drive the kids to soccer practice. Just have someone else do it. (Cheers, applause)
- Parents of slow children — and that's all of you, if you're smart, since school districts pay up the rear to fund special-ed programs — I'm one of you! Vote for me!
- If I'm elected, we'll have even more special-ed programs, and we'll cut taxes to boot! We'll just borrow the money from China and let our special-ed children pay for it later.
- My husband was once on Dangerous Catch. And works on the North Slope. And likes to spew pollution into the air on snowmobiles. And he's a Native American! Aren't we historical!
- My parents lived on the public dole for years, and with my tax cuts, they'll be poor. In fact, Republican governors around the country are trying their best to cut the retirements of fine people like my parents.
- I'm Harry Truman!
- Someone wrote this. Who? Nobody will say. "We grow good people in our small towns, with honesty and sincerity and dignity."
- I'm from small towns too! I'm Harry Truman! I can push the red button!
- I'm a hockey mom! That's much better and more violent than those sissy soccer moms. (Hockey moms! Hockey moms!)
- I like watching my kids beat up other kids! I wear lipstick to do it!
- I signed up for the PTA because my low-tax state wasn't funding education right!
- Barack Obama's a fraud!
- Barack Obama's two-faced!
- John McCain has been the same guy forever! He was this conservative when you rejected him 8 years ago!
- The media is biased!
- The media is out of touch!
- I'm going to Washington for the right reason!
- I'm going to challenge the status quo! But that's not the same as change.
- I have integrity and convictions, just like you!
- I took on Big Oil (but kowtowed to Big Gas), and shook up government (even though it appears more and more as though I really didn't)!
- I made ethics reform! Hopefully I'm grandfathered into the old law!
- The governor of a state the size of Europe shouldn't have his or her own jet. I drive myself two blocks to work every day in a town of 20,000 people! I fired my cook, but I didn't say I cook for myself!
- I cut spending! And got millions in earmarks for my state!
- No wasteful spending!
- I ended the abuse of earmarks, including the Bridge to Nowhere, which I kind of killed after it was dead, but it makes a good soundbyte!
- Oil and gas prices went up — I gave the money to Alaskans, even though millions of Americans down south were suffering!
- I ended Big Oil's control on state government! And I swear, they had no influence in my house even though my hubba hubba hubby works for them.
- I helped get a gas pipeline built by giving it a huge tax break!
- Natural gas and petroleum are the same thing!
- Gas prices are too high!
- Russia is dangerous!
- Iran is dangerous! Venezuela is dangerous! Fear fear fear! Drill!
- We should totally drill.
- We're going to take over more private property for pipelines, create more nuclear waste without a place to put it, and move forward with green energy sources, just like the other guy is!
- We need American energy!
- Barack Obama is a defeatist who has never crafted a "major" law!
- Barack Obama dared to have a stage at his acceptance speech! He has no plan!
- Barack Obama thinks he's Jesus! Which means he's the Antichrist!
- Barack Obama wants to take more of your money! (Lies) Barack Obama wants to lose in Iraq! (Lies) Barack Obama — the horror — wants to uphold the Constitution!
- Barack Obama wants to raise your taxes (Lies, if you make less than 250k).
- Barack Obama wants to raise your taxes (Lies, if you make less than 250k).
- My sister works for the oil industry too! Taxes hurt them and hurt you!
- Fear fear fear fear fear fear fear.
- Barack Obama is just a charade! Unlike John McCain, who is fighting for the change you rejected 8 years ago!
- John McCain wants change!
- John McCain will change!
- John McCain has changed!
- Harry Reid is a turd! He hates John McCain, because he's for nuclear waste storage in Nevada and against college sports betting! Isn't that great?
- That's why we should vote for John McCain!
- The world is dangerous! Fear fear fear fear fear!
- Barack Obama, there, I said it, are you happy? And Joe Biden hate you! John McCain is a war hero!
- John McCain was a POW!
- John McCain was a POW!
- John McCain was a POW!
- John McCain was a POW!
- John McCain is a leader!

----

Aside from more energy and more unfunded special-ed mandates, did Madame Palin say anything other than "fear" and "POW" in that entire speech?

Just curious.

Mulling Palin

I've been following this Palin thing the last few days, and there's three reasons why I'm bothered here.

1. The experience factor.

The myopic partisans on the right-wing blogs and talk radio will continue to defend this, but let me offer a distinctly Oregonian scenario to compare Palin's naivety.

Let's say the mayor of Scappoose ran for governor, on a anti-tax, reform government ticket. S/he wins and hooks up with the Sizemore/Mannix crowd, succeeds in cutting taxes and gets national prominence.

But two years later, we really haven't seen the impacts on the state budget. That takes some time, for the impacts of cut programs to be felt on services, and the impacts of cut taxes on the economy. It's all theoretical, all ideological.

And all we've got to go on for a proven track record is the growth of Scappoose, which was in a prime position to grow anyway, given its proximity to Portland.

But beyond that — and that's an awful big leap — let's look at the circumstances of taking office.

Let's assume that Palin's municipal work is equivalent to Obama's service in the Illinois State Senate, representing tens of thousands of Chicagoans.

Obama, as president, gets 2 1/2 months to prepare to take office, carefully choosing his cabinet members and other advisors. It's a predictable and smooth transition.

Compare this to the way Palin might become president. Suffice to say, the circumstances aren't going to be predictable, and chances are they're going to be downright horrible. She might not trust her cabinet members, chosen by McCain, and they might not trust her. They might not even respect her, as some of them could have been passed up for the vice presidency.

What transition of government do you want?

2. Family Values.

My next objection is purely political. It's simply disingenuous for the party of Traditional Family Values to stick behind Gov. Palin now. She's got five kids with an absentee father — assuming Todd commuted to the North Slope weekly, not daily — and then decided to take a job that on the best days is a full-time gig, and guess what happens? Mom's away, kids played and now she's a young grandmother.

Two parents with never home jobs make for family values?

3. Population control.

On a more personal note, I'm insulted by the number of kids the Palin family has produced. With all the starvation, suffering and high food prices in this world, no couple should be having more than two kids. The Palins are responsible for five now, with No. 6 on the way.

We aren't living in a society of sustenance agriculture. Nobody needs 3 kids, nor 4, nor 5. To make that many is either reckless or selfish — two qualities I don't want in our next president, or vice president.